The Ugly Side of Celebrating of Motherhood

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and women all over the country received gifts, cards and flowers from their children. Adult children made reservations for spa treatments and brunch at their mother’s favorite restaurants. It’s the one day out of the year when Mom’s can put their feet up and take a break.

But somewhere, there were women who have been battling infertility and yesterday was yet another reminder that they do not have a child to call their own. The weeks leading up to yesterday were not joyous or filled with anticipation. It was heartbreaking and depressing. I can speak about that from personal experience because I too dealt with infertility. I realize that I’m one of the lucky ones who was able to conceive on the first try with IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) but I also know the disappointment of two failed IUI’s (Intrauterine insemination). I know how it feels to buy yet another baby shower gift and fighting the urge to pass judgement on the conditions in which a child was conceived and the relationship the parents have. I’m not a jealous woman but motherhood was something that I coveted more than anything. I know what it’s like to have well-meaning members of the church tell you to just have faith the size of a mustard seed. Trust me, when a woman is going to through infertility, she has a relationship with God that you can’t even begin to comprehend. I know that without a shadow of a doubt that I had I listened to “well meaning” family and friends and not to the whispering of God, I would probably still be childless. As I explained to someone prior to starting treatments, if God can create the sun, moon and stars surely creating a doctor with specialty in infertility is within of His realm of expertise.

I did not write this to chastise those who are insensitive to or don’t have a clue about infertility. However, if you have a friend who is dealing with infertility, there are some things you just do not say. I wrote this post as voice of understanding and compassion and support to women who are still dealing with it. I have friends who have also suffered with infertility and were able to conceive, some that are still battling and some that have given up hope. I’ve watched them tirelessly raise other people’s children and work in professions where they can influence young minds. My hope is that yesterday was a beautiful day for them. I pray that they were treated like the beautiful queens that they are and they were surrounded with love and admiration.

Every Mother’s Day I’m thankful to Shady Grove Fertility Clinic in Rockville, MD, specifically Dr. Robert Stillman, who assisted me through my infertility journey. Dr. Stillman and his staff consoled me when I was at my absolute worse and laughed along with me when I used humor to diffuse hurt, pain and disappointment. I believe modern medicine does not trump God. I believe God leads you to where you need to go so that He can answer your prayer.