While it’s nice to wear rose-colored glasses some of you have been extending American Express Black Card credit privileges to people who don’t even deserve a prepaid debit Visa. If you think that I’ve covered this topic before you’re right. Allowing people access to different facets of your life without them being qualified put you in a position and at risk of being disappointed. But the extension of credit goes much further than that. I need you to start considering the access to you as lines of credit. There will be some people who are very responsible with the line of credit you extend to them. They will use it for emergencies or they’ve planned for the purchase with every intention of paying the debt at the end of the month. Then there are some people who will make purchases knowing full well they won’t have the cash at the end of the month to pay the bill. You would be lucky if they pay the minimum payment. What’s even worse is when they don’t pay the bill at all.
Having Rose Colored Glasses is not a weakness. Not cleaning the lens is where many of us fall short. We want to see the good in everyone. We want to believe that everybody is true to their word. We want to believe that everybody will pay their bill. This is where listening to the little birdie comes into play. Because if you would just be honest with yourself for a moment the same people you keep extending credit to haven’t paid the last bill. They are same people who continue to disappoint you. Why do you allow it? Why do you continue to sell yourself short? It’s time to change your mindset. Once you change your mind on how you will allow yourself to be treated, the people who do not respect you or value you will slowly distance themselves from you. It won’t be because of what you say, but because of the boundaries, you have set.
Are you the person that everyone calls for a pep talk, a quick pick me up, encouraging words or motivation? Yes? Yeah, me too. But what happens when you need someone to be your cheerleader? What happens when you need somebody to hold up the pom poms up for you? It is easy to become the default person for people in your life to depend on you for their own emotional well-being especially if you are a giver and nurturer. It is also very easy for you to become emotionally drained from taking care of everybody else. What I know for sure (to quote Oprah Winfrey) is that you have to take care of yourself first. When you feel that you were being stretched thin to the point of being transparent, it is time to take a step back and focus on you. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are still being helpful to others when your emotional tank is empty.
When you finally decide to take care of yourself you will disappoint/upset/piss off at least one if not a few people. And guess what? It is OK! It is okay to say “I need some time for myself” and not feel guilty about it. Expect resistance from the people who depend on you the most. I think everybody is entitled to a couple of days when they don’t cater to anyone else but themselves. When I take time for myself, I can hear the “little birdie”. I’m not worried about pleasing everyone when I’m focus on getting centered and regaining my peace of mind. As someone who has suffered from panic and anxiety attacks, I know the attacks are usually triggered when I stretch myself thin and said “yes” when I should have been saying “no”. It’s usually when I’ve given and I’ve given and I’ve given until nothing is left for me. It is part of my personality to help others and it is also my downfall because a lot of times I won’t see the signs until it is almost too late. As I’ve gotten older I’ve been able to recognize the triggers and take a step back from everything and everybody so that I can take time to recharge, reflect and hear the ideas that have been swimming around in my head.
What is your “little birdie” telling you? I encourage you take time for yourself and exercise your “yes to self” muscle. Yes, you will piss some people off. Yes, some people will feel that you are being selfish. But you know what? It’s okay because after you taken some time for yourself, you will feel rejuvenated and energized…and ready pick up your pom poms to cheer for someone else.
There’s a lot on my plate these days so here’s a post from a guest blogger aka my baby brother, Darian Mobley…
Things seem to be so complicated and stressful, but why? Is it all so overwhelming or is that what you are making it? When the instruction list four steps, do you take six? Have your prioritized your life? Once you make that list, look at it then check off what has been taken care of. Family, health, finance and your children’s safety should be everybody’s top three. After that, what is worth stressing or going crazy over? Be real and realize what you really need in your life. Once you do that, everything else will fall into place. Analyze your wants and you will probably see how unimportant they are. Some are necessary because they help keep your sanity. So you must prioritize your wants also.
While you simplify your life remember to humble yourself. Be honest with yourself because nobody knows what you need better than you. Never forget how strong you are and what you are capable of. Life can be so much easier when you just take the time to simplify. Do you really need this? Does this person’s opinion really matter? Are my wants meaningless? Do I give what I want from people? Like I said, be honest with yourself, it leads to a greater knowledge of self. When you truly know yourself you’ll be able to simplify your life much easier. Remember happiness starts within you before it hits your life and family. I hope that my idea of simplifying your life makes sense. I’ve done it (hell, I had no choice) and found that I was worrying about things that really held no weight in my life. Losing that negative weight is uplifting and mentally healthy. I think if you sit down with a pend and a pad and make a list of what’s truly important, you’ll see that all that other stuff is irrelevant. Simply and stick to your new game plan. Love more and stress less.