It seems like everyone is running on full tilt these days. Between home, work and civic responsibilities and interests, it has almost become commonplace to be left without time for yourself. Here’s a roundup of some self-care tips:
The Self-Care Tips You Need to Add to Your To-Do List
15 Ways to Add Self-Care to Your Workout Routine
Treat Yo’ Self: Self Care in the Workplace
How To Practice Self-Care In 2018 For A Happier You
How do you practice self-care? Share your tips in the comments.
I read a quote that said if you have to wonder if you deserve better you already know the answer. If you have to wonder whether or not you’re being fully supported to go toward your hopes and your dreams, you’re not getting the support that you need. So what happens when you’re faced with an opportunity to receive the support that you need? Do you think it’s too good to be true? Do you wonder whether not you actually deserve it? Are you willing to accept the fact that you deserve to have the support that you’ve been giving to everybody else? Are able to accept the fact that you finally have the support you need as you grow into the person that will achieve your wildly ambitious dreams?
I often talk about my board of directors and how invaluable their support is to me. There are key members of my board of directors who I know will push me when I’m ready to throw in the towel. Then there’s another level within that board who will not only not let me throw in the towel, they will carry me the last mile if they need to. Why? Because they believe that I deserve better. They believe that I can do better.
Being a superhero is overrated. I mean honestly, it is a thankless job when you think about it. You go around saving people all day and at the end of the day you are battered and scarred and waking up with bruises in the morning. And I’m not talking about physical bruises, I’m talking about the emotional bruises left over from someone else’s emotional baggage. Far too often we try to pick up somebody else’s broken pieces ended up getting cut in the process. Are you ready for someone else to bandage you up so that you can heal? Stop being so damn strong and let someone support you.
While it’s nice to wear rose-colored glasses some of you have been extending American Express Black Card credit privileges to people who don’t even deserve a prepaid debit Visa. If you think that I’ve covered this topic before you’re right. Allowing people access to different facets of your life without them being qualified put you in a position and at risk of being disappointed. But the extension of credit goes much further than that. I need you to start considering the access to you as lines of credit. There will be some people who are very responsible with the line of credit you extend to them. They will use it for emergencies or they’ve planned for the purchase with every intention of paying the debt at the end of the month. Then there are some people who will make purchases knowing full well they won’t have the cash at the end of the month to pay the bill. You would be lucky if they pay the minimum payment. What’s even worse is when they don’t pay the bill at all.
Having Rose Colored Glasses is not a weakness. Not cleaning the lens is where many of us fall short. We want to see the good in everyone. We want to believe that everybody is true to their word. We want to believe that everybody will pay their bill. This is where listening to the little birdie comes into play. Because if you would just be honest with yourself for a moment the same people you keep extending credit to haven’t paid the last bill. They are same people who continue to disappoint you. Why do you allow it? Why do you continue to sell yourself short? It’s time to change your mindset. Once you change your mind on how you will allow yourself to be treated, the people who do not respect you or value you will slowly distance themselves from you. It won’t be because of what you say, but because of the boundaries, you have set.
I need your help. Sure.
I need a favor. Okay.
I need to vent. I’m listening.
Hey, can you help me out with something? I’m kind of busy right now.
Can you do me a favor? What’s in it for me?
I’m really stressed right now. So let me tell you how my day really sucked.
One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was there’s a difference between being helpful and being used. People who are caring and nurturing by nature have a tendency to give more than the other person actually deserves. Actually, we give before the other person provides credentials or passes a background check to show that they’re even worthy of receiving it our time, kindness and generosity. Recovering People Pleasers have a tendency to see the good in everybody and walk around with rose-colored glasses. God forbid should we say ‘no’ and run the risk of having someone not “like” us. But the old adage is true: You teach people how to treat you. If you’re teaching people that you’re not worth your full value, they will continue to ask for discounts and sales when it comes to access to your life. When you know your worth there are certain things you will not tolerate such as a lack of respect in any regard. It’s easier to speak up about your frustrations than to walk around with it bottled up inside. Knowing your worth allows you to speak up and to speak your truth without being disrespectful to others. I’ve said this many times before you need to surround yourself with people who do not tolerate you but celebrate you. And that doesn’t mean telling you how great you are all the time. It means that they remind you that you’re smart, brilliant, creative and awesome to be around. It also means that they challenge you and call you out on your foolishness and shenanigans when you’re not living up to your full potential. Your board of directors is indicative of how you value yourself. If you are surrounded by people who do not have a healthy self-image, how can you possibly expect them to help you develop yours? I can use a whole bunch of catchphrases here…iron sharpens iron, birds of a feather flock together…you get the point.
And while it’s great to have a board of directors who were just as kick-ass and phenomenal as you are, you have to learn how to love yourself as much as you love other people. You attract who you are so if you are feeling miserable and full of doubt, you will attract your mirror image. Remember you teach people how to treat you and the best way to show them is by loving yourself. Stop giving the freeloaders of your kindness a free ride. Tell them your price, add tax and add 10% for all your time they’ve wasted. The people who genuinely want to be around you will have no problem paying full price. The people who do not complain about the price honestly want to see you be an extraordinary version of yourself. They will pay every single dollar, will make the time on their calendar, will answer the phone when you call, will respond to your text messages late at night and will encourage you when you are ready to throw in the towel. A sincere love is one of the best gifts you can ever give to someone why not give it to yourself first?
When I was younger, I remember my mom and my grandmother talking about how the years just “flew by”. Now that I’m older and I understand that a year can literally fly by when you are busy doing the work that you are called to. Did you realize that we are down to the final 32 days of 2017? I don’t know about you but I feel like this year absolutely flew by.
Over this past year, I know you have made some amazing accomplishments and reached goals that you once thought were unattainable. I also know that your accomplishments did not come with some disappointment or heartache. What if you looked at your failures positively? Think about it. If you didn’t fail, if you didn’t hear ‘no’, if you didn’t stumble, if you didn’t fall…how on Earth would you learn the lessons required to be extraordinary?
Many of you might be in the process of creating New Year’s resolutions or creating a vision board for 2018. In these final days of 2017, take an opportunity to look back over the year and list your biggest accomplishments and your biggest failures and list the lessons that you learn from them. You might be surprised. The revelation might change how you shape your goals for 2018.
Occasionally everyone needs a little bit of motivation. Here are a few of my favorite quotes that I refer to when I need an emotional and motivational pick me up. I’ve placed these quotes in my daily planner, my wallet, and my desk. What motivational quotes do you refer to when you need an extra push of inspiration? Share them with me on Twitter (@WorkYourPackage) and Facebook (Work Your Package).
Have you ever noticed that when things are going well, you have to deal with what I like to call inconsequential nonsense? While it might be an issue, if you take time to think about it, it will not really matter in 5 weeks, 5 months and certainly not 5 years from now. The inconsequential nonsense may present itself as something that can have a profound impact when in reality it’s only there to provide a lesson. However, when you focus on it for too long, it takes your eyes off the “prize”. You have the choice to say, “Ok, I’m done. Lesson learned.” You do not have to stay in the midst of inconsequential nonsense because you want to have the last word or want to prove a point. The point of nonsense is to learn a lesson. Which by the way…may have NOTHING to do with the issue you are dealing with. Imagine that! Sometimes the only purpose of the nonsense is to teach you a life lesson. Like, don’t expect everyone to understand your vision, dreams or aspirations. Speak up, even when it’s unpopular. Mistakes themselves do not define you, it’s your unwillingness to admit them that does.
I know, it is so easy to get consumed with the nonsense, especially if you are surrounded with people who thrive off of negativity. Baby love, nothing positive can be birthed from the soil of negativity. We’ve talked about this before. If you aren’t surrounding yourself with people who are going to 1) Encourage you to do and be better and 2) Hold you accountable…then you are around the wrong people.
Keep your eyes on the “prize”… whatever that might be for you. Whether it’s a well-deserved promotion, another academic degree, a house or a bigger house or my favorite “prize” of all…opening yourself new opportunities that continue to push towards being extraordinary. Stay focused. You’ve worked too hard to allow something minor keep you from your “prize”.
You are a one of kind.
A designer original.
#1 in a batch of 1.
There’s just you.
That’s it and that’s all.
Here’s a reminder from 2013 that everything isn’t for everybody.
“I love that you have wild ambition but don’t get in your own way.”
“You are a titan, but you are like a bird with no place to land.”
“You know I support you but do you have time for this?”
I won’t go into detail about what prompted the statements and question but I will share this: If you cannot fearlessly share your goals and challenges with the people on your personal board of directors, you are surrounded by the WRONG people. I declared that I was going to take a little bit of a break. That break lasted for about a week. My people will not let me off the hook that easy. My people have called me out on my nonsense. They held up the mirror and forced me to see my hardheaded ways. Don’t laugh. I’m willing to bet you have hardheaded ways too. Are you turning away from the mirror? Are you ignoring the calls and text messages? Are you telling yourself you just have to get “everything under control” and things will be better? The Perfectionist Trap is real.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to write down everything that is currently on your proverbial plate. Be honest with yourself and if you have a hard time doing that, ask a member from your board of directors to “remind” you of your commitments. Are you overcommitting yourself? Success is awesome but you won’t be able to enjoy it if you are a hot mess.
Sometimes the hardest decisions that you have to make are the ones that involve what you are passionate about. In December 2013, I floated the idea of hosted a women’s conference. In April 2014, the inaugural Work Your Package Women’s Conference was held followed by two more in 2015 and 2016. On September 6, 2017, I shared with The Maven Network that the 4th conference would be the last…for awhile. As much as I love producing the Work Your Package Women’s Conference, I realized that while I was capable of saying “no” to others, I struggled with saying “no” to myself. The internal conversation started months ago and I ignored it for as long as I could. The myriad of emotions ran the gambit from disappointment to relief. I questioned myself and my motives for having a conference in the first place. The moment of truth came when I realized that by continuing to produce the conference, I was being a hypocrite to the foundation of Work Your Package by:
- Ignoring the little birdie
- Ignoring the loving advice from my personal board of directors
- Not managing my 168
- Not following through my goals
Why am I sharing this with you? I don’t want you to make the same mistake. Listen, I want to you to pursue your passion. I want you to continue to invest in your personal and professional development. But if it “cost” is too high, make the hard decision and hit the pause button. Remember, you didn’t have to find your passion. It’s been with you all this time. It’s not going to go away. You won’t lose it. Pausing, taking some time to reassess and regroup will not (I repeat…will NOT) be a detriment to your life’s work. I dare say that it’s a bonus. After you have taken time to shift your focus, you will open yourself to new opportunities to share your passion.
You are not your passion but the gifts produced from your passion cannot exist without you. Focus on you first.